This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!

Why Not Tickle My Child?

Tickling is one of those customary kinds of play that is handed down from generation to generation through our families. It is rarely questioned, but deserves to be thought about more carefully, as it’s a form of play that can, despite good intentions, hurt a child. To put tickling in a broader framework, it’s one of the ways to play that puts people in touch with each other. It also is a dependable way to get lots of laughter rolling. So tickling looks, on the surface, like a kind of play that children enjoy, and that is good for them. And indeed, some children ask their parents for tickling games. We are glad to be asked-it feels great to have an instant way to laugh and be playful together.

But in my many years of listening to adults talk about the emotional challenges of their lives as children, tickling comes up again and again as an experience that has been hurtful. I’ve listened to a number of adults who can’t relax when others are in close proximity to them. They can’t sleep close to a trusted partner, for instance, or are internally on guard any time there’s more than casual touching between them and someone they love.

When asked what they are afraid of, their memories go straight to times when they were tickled as children, and couldn’t get the tickler to stop. Read more »

This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!“

I Want It Now!”—Children’s Wants and Needs

It’s a big part of parenting

A big part of our experience as parents has to do with developing ways to address the deeply felt wants and needs of our children. We deal with wants and needs from our babies’ earliest moments through their entry into young adulthood. We have to figure out what our children’s real needs are, and what to do when they want things they don’t need, or can’t have. And we have to deal with our own feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger about how much they need and want. We are dedicated to making life as good as possible for them, but sooner or later we find it hard to be generous when our own needs for rest, reassurance, and resource aren’t well met.

Whole books are written about the developmental needs of young children, so this little article won’t try to point out the difference between needs and wants at a particular age or stage. Suffice it to say here that children need lots of undivided, warm attention from their parents and others around them. They need to be treated with respect. They need play, lots of room to experiment, and lots of positive response to who they are and what interesting experiments they do. They need information about what’s going on around them, from the very beginning: their minds work beautifully, and from birth they fully understand the emotional import of every interaction with us. They also understand far more language than we realize. Even when we meet their needs well, there are moments every single day when our children long for attention or for things we can’t give them the moment they feel the need. When Mommy and Daddy can handle these moments of intense longing gently and with understanding, it makes a huge difference in a child’s life. Read more »

This Q and A is with Kali Wendorf editor of Kindred Magazine (http://www.kindredmagazine.com.au)

Ashley: How society is set up now, do you think it’s optimal for raising children?

Kali: Absolutely not. Not at all. Again, we live in a globalised culture—meaning, we must work harder and harder to earn the same dollar. And with corporations wielding so much power and influence, it means they have a direct hand in almost every, if not every, aspect of our lives – what we are taught at school, how births are treated, how much we must work, what we are allowed to know, what we are allowed to talk about, what we do with our free time, our sense of ourselves as human beings…

And governments serve the corporations (because corporations fund their elections), and the corporations serve the economy, and the economy only looks good when money is made. Money doesn’t get made when a mother chooses to breastfeed over bottle-feed. Money doesn’t get made when a family chooses to home-school. Money doesn’t get made when a mother or father chooses to stay home with the baby and not work, and not put the baby in daycare. Read more »

This Q and A is with Kali Wendorf editor of Kindred Magazine (http://www.kindredmagazine.com.au)

Ashley: I have heard you talk about the nuclear family, could you in your own words define that term and what it means to you? Are there any downsides to this (in your opinion)?

Kali: The nuclear family, as I define it, is the basic father, mother and 2.5 kids model. It’s based on an insular mindset, whereby community and larger extended family have very little to do with the day to day existence of its members. The nuclear family model is mostly a product of a globalised economy, whereby family members move away from each other in search of work and people spend a majority of their time at work and at school, or in their cars commuting to those two places. Read more »

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Saying No to your child, answered by parenting expert Naomi Aldort (www.AuthenticParent.com), discusses how, when and where to say no to your young child or toddler. This short audio clip answers: Read more »

This is taken from “Ask Naomi” with parenting expert Naomi Aldort Ph.D. To see Part 1 of Why Toddlers Bite Click Here.

Preventing Biting
A toddler who feels connected, loved, autonomous and at peace is not likely to bite. She has no need for it. Therefore the first path of prevention is respecting your toddler’s autonomous inner guidance, avoiding undue expectations and restrictions and staying close and connected. This may include avoiding peer play, which is often much too difficult for young children. Notice how much happier your baby is with an older child or with you. Read more »

This is taken from “Ask Naomi” with parenting expert Naomi Aldort Ph.D.

Q: My baby is one year old and started biting me to get my attention or when not getting her way. How can I stop her?

A: Biting in the early years is not different from other aggression. Some biting can be benign and transient. A frustrated toddler does not have a rich language and is likely to use her body to express herself. If you respond quickly to the first try quickly, clearly and kindly, there won’t be a second time. If your daughter is repeating the biting, two things are happening: Your responses are not clear TO HER. And, the reason for her drive to bite has not been addressed. Read more »

“Turn This World Around for the Children” - Raffi

Lyrics
We heard it from Mandela, turn this world around
for the children - turn this world around
He’s done it once before, and now we hear his call
for the children - turn this world around

Turn turn turn, turn this world around - for the children
Turn this world around

The dreams of our young ones born into this world
Need respect and love to come alive
Honoring the children is what we’re here to do
Now is the hour and we’ve got the power to

If every nations’ leaders put their children first
Care and provide for every child
Each and every household could sing a song of joy
All round this planet, a new light within it could bridge
And the children sing: help our light to shine
May we all be fed, may we all be loved
May the elders here open up their hearts
To this song of ours, may they do their part
May our dreams unfold, may we find our place
In a healthy world, embracing every race
May we all be free, may we live in peace
Hear the children sing, hear us sing
Turn turn turn, turn this world around
for the children - turn this world around …

Tonight, driving home, I was listening to this song.  I’d heard it a few years back, and loved it.  But it didn’t hit me the same was as it does today.  Earlier today I had empathy, and felt a pain in my heart for the children.  My child, the neighbor’s children, my son’s school mates.

My guess is that we all want to turn our world around for our children.   But who has time?  We’re so busy.  Busy lives, work, school, cooking cleaning, never a break.  We can’t even turn our schedules around, never mind the world….
And when I say that, part of me believes it, but the other part doesn’t because I know we can all make a difference.  Sometimes I’m so scared to make a difference in the world.  But why should I let my fear and selfishness stop me from changing children’s lives.  Or making a difference for someone.

I’m so blessed with a good life.  I have a lot to give and I’m going to start focusing on giving it.

If anyone has thoughts about this, I would like to hear them!

P.S.  Go out and get yourself a copy of “Turn this world around.” By Raffi it’s from the album Resisto Dancing.

This is part 7 of a 10 part parenting series, you can read the previous post Top 10 things you can do for yourself to be a better parent. #6 Have Passion! by clicking here.

#7 Heal The Past.

I have to say, this is the biggest and most difficult thing preventing me from being as close as I can with my son. Sometimes I feel shrouded and taken over by the past. And in those moments, I’m not in the present, and I’m definitely not the best parent I can be.
Read more »