This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!

Children, Chores, and Drudgery

By the time children are about seven years old, most parents have begun to think, “It’s about time she did a little work around here!” and the battles begin. “When are you going to feed the dog?” “That garbage needs to be taken out right now!” “Honey, how many times do I need to ask you to make your bed!”

It’s good to expect children to take part in the work of the household. Children are quite capable, and feel a lot of pride in a job well done. But, like us, they acquire feelings about the jobs they’re expected to do. And when those feelings are negative, children can drain a lot of their parents’ emotional capital on the way to completing their household jobs. Read more »

This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!

Why Not Tickle My Child?

Tickling is one of those customary kinds of play that is handed down from generation to generation through our families. It is rarely questioned, but deserves to be thought about more carefully, as it’s a form of play that can, despite good intentions, hurt a child. To put tickling in a broader framework, it’s one of the ways to play that puts people in touch with each other. It also is a dependable way to get lots of laughter rolling. So tickling looks, on the surface, like a kind of play that children enjoy, and that is good for them. And indeed, some children ask their parents for tickling games. We are glad to be asked-it feels great to have an instant way to laugh and be playful together.

But in my many years of listening to adults talk about the emotional challenges of their lives as children, tickling comes up again and again as an experience that has been hurtful. I’ve listened to a number of adults who can’t relax when others are in close proximity to them. They can’t sleep close to a trusted partner, for instance, or are internally on guard any time there’s more than casual touching between them and someone they love.

When asked what they are afraid of, their memories go straight to times when they were tickled as children, and couldn’t get the tickler to stop. Read more »

This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!

Helping Young Children Sleep

by Patty Wipfler

Most children struggle at some time or another with sleeping through the night. Of course, when infants are quite young, they need to wake several times in the night, eat, and be reassured that their parents are close and all is well in their world. The need for reassurance, in addition to nourishment, is even stronger if a baby has had difficult times in his life already. I won’t discuss helping infants with feelings that may stem from early life struggles in this article. I’ll focus on helping healthy children six months of age and older with the pattern of interrupted sleep that sometimes appears.

After about six months, unless your baby is ill or underweight, he is capable of sleeping through the night much of the time. Children vary greatly in how much sleep they thrive on, but by this age, most parents can hope for a good seven-hour stretch of sleep without waking. However, many children experience feelings that prevent them from sleeping through the night at least some of the time. Read more »

This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!“

I Want It Now!”—Children’s Wants and Needs

It’s a big part of parenting

A big part of our experience as parents has to do with developing ways to address the deeply felt wants and needs of our children. We deal with wants and needs from our babies’ earliest moments through their entry into young adulthood. We have to figure out what our children’s real needs are, and what to do when they want things they don’t need, or can’t have. And we have to deal with our own feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger about how much they need and want. We are dedicated to making life as good as possible for them, but sooner or later we find it hard to be generous when our own needs for rest, reassurance, and resource aren’t well met.

Whole books are written about the developmental needs of young children, so this little article won’t try to point out the difference between needs and wants at a particular age or stage. Suffice it to say here that children need lots of undivided, warm attention from their parents and others around them. They need to be treated with respect. They need play, lots of room to experiment, and lots of positive response to who they are and what interesting experiments they do. They need information about what’s going on around them, from the very beginning: their minds work beautifully, and from birth they fully understand the emotional import of every interaction with us. They also understand far more language than we realize. Even when we meet their needs well, there are moments every single day when our children long for attention or for things we can’t give them the moment they feel the need. When Mommy and Daddy can handle these moments of intense longing gently and with understanding, it makes a huge difference in a child’s life. Read more »

This Q and A is with Kali Wendorf editor of Kindred Magazine (http://www.kindredmagazine.com.au)

Ashley: I have heard you talk about the nuclear family, could you in your own words define that term and what it means to you? Are there any downsides to this (in your opinion)?

Kali: The nuclear family, as I define it, is the basic father, mother and 2.5 kids model. It’s based on an insular mindset, whereby community and larger extended family have very little to do with the day to day existence of its members. The nuclear family model is mostly a product of a globalised economy, whereby family members move away from each other in search of work and people spend a majority of their time at work and at school, or in their cars commuting to those two places. Read more »

Meeting An Older Sibling’s Needs
By Naomi Aldort

Your child’s attachment needs are specially important when they are challenged by the presence of a new baby. Make a conscious design to meet your child’s needs:

• Get help; find an older child or a friend to hold the baby so you can be with your child.
• Plan time for you and your child alone when your spouse or relative is at home.
• Take every opportunity when the baby is asleep in your arms or not needy, to engage yourself with your child.
• If your child wants to be a baby again, embrace his play.
• Provide new exciting activities that help your child see the benefits of being older. Let him enjoy riding the tricycle, go to the zoo, or other wonderful experiences that the baby cannot have and point out how exciting it is. Read more »

Why Do You Want Another Me?

By Naomi Aldort

“Mommy, why do you need another Yonatan?” asked my first born looking at my growing belly.  I hugged him and said,  “I do not need another Yonatan. There is no other Yonatan. You are the only “you” there will ever be and I love you so much.”
No matter how much we explain and include a young child in welcoming his new sibling, he will not comprehend this concept any more than you would welcome another lover for your spouse. Read more »

This is part 2 of A Rejected Child and the Volcano by Naomi Aldort. To read part 1 of A Rejected Child and the Volcano Click Here.

When a child asks you to mediate

There are times when talking to the other children is useful, as when a child asks for it directly. Even then, it is important not to fix anyone or mend the situation, so the child can choose reality and learn from it. A group of children were playing on the grass at a lunch break of one of my workshops. One boy came to his mother to say that he was not included in the game. The mother asked for my guidance and I said that there was nothing to do other then respond to his initiative as she would in any other setting. “So, are you going to play inside now?” she asked her son, trying to guess his plans. “No,” the boy said, “I want you to come with me and talk to the kids.”

They went over and the mother acknowledged the difficulty without judging anyone nor asking for anything. She then listened fully to each child’s point of view. It turned out that her son didn’t know the game and was breaking the rules. The children said he could watch and learn but he decided to join his parents on the porch.
This mother did not initiate talking to the other children, nor did she solve, preach, teach or give a sermon about kindness and inclusion. She followed her child’s request. The child took action on his own behalf by asking for his mother’s mediation and since she didn’t see a problem, neither did he. He made his choice freely and without doubting his worth or feeling victimized.
Read more »

A Rejected Child and the Volcano
By: Naomi Aldort Ph.D. (www.AuthenticParent.com)

When the volcanic mountain in our state, Mount St. Helens, started to rumble, one of my children asked, “Do people who live close by get mad when the volcano erupts?” “Do you get mad at the rain?” I asked. While he was pondering my question, his older brother said, “Being mad at the rain or a mountain erupting is as insane as being mad at another person.” I gasped with delight; indeed, by presenting itself totally unchangeable, the volcano teaches us to love reality. When it erupts, we don’t try to stop it, change its mind or judge it; we simply remove ourselves from the area and we get excited about the drama of nature from a safe distance. We live at peace with nature because we have realized that it doesn’t change for us. Yet, we expect humans to change for us. Such expectation often leaves us frustrated and powerless. Read more »

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