This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!

Children, Chores, and Drudgery

By the time children are about seven years old, most parents have begun to think, “It’s about time she did a little work around here!” and the battles begin. “When are you going to feed the dog?” “That garbage needs to be taken out right now!” “Honey, how many times do I need to ask you to make your bed!”

It’s good to expect children to take part in the work of the household. Children are quite capable, and feel a lot of pride in a job well done. But, like us, they acquire feelings about the jobs they’re expected to do. And when those feelings are negative, children can drain a lot of their parents’ emotional capital on the way to completing their household jobs. Read more »

This is part 2 of A Rejected Child and the Volcano by Naomi Aldort. To read part 1 of A Rejected Child and the Volcano Click Here.

When a child asks you to mediate

There are times when talking to the other children is useful, as when a child asks for it directly. Even then, it is important not to fix anyone or mend the situation, so the child can choose reality and learn from it. A group of children were playing on the grass at a lunch break of one of my workshops. One boy came to his mother to say that he was not included in the game. The mother asked for my guidance and I said that there was nothing to do other then respond to his initiative as she would in any other setting. “So, are you going to play inside now?” she asked her son, trying to guess his plans. “No,” the boy said, “I want you to come with me and talk to the kids.”

They went over and the mother acknowledged the difficulty without judging anyone nor asking for anything. She then listened fully to each child’s point of view. It turned out that her son didn’t know the game and was breaking the rules. The children said he could watch and learn but he decided to join his parents on the porch.
This mother did not initiate talking to the other children, nor did she solve, preach, teach or give a sermon about kindness and inclusion. She followed her child’s request. The child took action on his own behalf by asking for his mother’s mediation and since she didn’t see a problem, neither did he. He made his choice freely and without doubting his worth or feeling victimized.
Read more »

A Rejected Child and the Volcano
By: Naomi Aldort Ph.D. (www.AuthenticParent.com)

When the volcanic mountain in our state, Mount St. Helens, started to rumble, one of my children asked, “Do people who live close by get mad when the volcano erupts?” “Do you get mad at the rain?” I asked. While he was pondering my question, his older brother said, “Being mad at the rain or a mountain erupting is as insane as being mad at another person.” I gasped with delight; indeed, by presenting itself totally unchangeable, the volcano teaches us to love reality. When it erupts, we don’t try to stop it, change its mind or judge it; we simply remove ourselves from the area and we get excited about the drama of nature from a safe distance. We live at peace with nature because we have realized that it doesn’t change for us. Yet, we expect humans to change for us. Such expectation often leaves us frustrated and powerless. Read more »

This is taken from “Ask Naomi” with parenting expert Naomi Aldort Ph.D. To see Part 1 of Why Toddlers Bite Click Here.

Preventing Biting
A toddler who feels connected, loved, autonomous and at peace is not likely to bite. She has no need for it. Therefore the first path of prevention is respecting your toddler’s autonomous inner guidance, avoiding undue expectations and restrictions and staying close and connected. This may include avoiding peer play, which is often much too difficult for young children. Notice how much happier your baby is with an older child or with you. Read more »

This 10 minute audio clip is taken from an informative interview I did with parenting expert Naomi Aldort, for more information on Naomi’s work visit www.AuthenticParent.com. Read more »

“Turn This World Around for the Children” - Raffi

Lyrics
We heard it from Mandela, turn this world around
for the children - turn this world around
He’s done it once before, and now we hear his call
for the children - turn this world around

Turn turn turn, turn this world around - for the children
Turn this world around

The dreams of our young ones born into this world
Need respect and love to come alive
Honoring the children is what we’re here to do
Now is the hour and we’ve got the power to

If every nations’ leaders put their children first
Care and provide for every child
Each and every household could sing a song of joy
All round this planet, a new light within it could bridge
And the children sing: help our light to shine
May we all be fed, may we all be loved
May the elders here open up their hearts
To this song of ours, may they do their part
May our dreams unfold, may we find our place
In a healthy world, embracing every race
May we all be free, may we live in peace
Hear the children sing, hear us sing
Turn turn turn, turn this world around
for the children - turn this world around …

Tonight, driving home, I was listening to this song.  I’d heard it a few years back, and loved it.  But it didn’t hit me the same was as it does today.  Earlier today I had empathy, and felt a pain in my heart for the children.  My child, the neighbor’s children, my son’s school mates.

My guess is that we all want to turn our world around for our children.   But who has time?  We’re so busy.  Busy lives, work, school, cooking cleaning, never a break.  We can’t even turn our schedules around, never mind the world….
And when I say that, part of me believes it, but the other part doesn’t because I know we can all make a difference.  Sometimes I’m so scared to make a difference in the world.  But why should I let my fear and selfishness stop me from changing children’s lives.  Or making a difference for someone.

I’m so blessed with a good life.  I have a lot to give and I’m going to start focusing on giving it.

If anyone has thoughts about this, I would like to hear them!

P.S.  Go out and get yourself a copy of “Turn this world around.” By Raffi it’s from the album Resisto Dancing.

Last year, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Peter Haiman.  Aside from being and authentic and good hearted individual, he is also a wealth of parenting knowledge.  You can visit his website at PeterHaiman.com for more info.

I will be posting the audio interview here soon.

Read more »

This is part 2 of a 2 part series from an interview I did with parenting expert Naomi Aldort (see part one here when setting limits is appropriate and when its not, interview Naomi Aldort, Part 1)

You can download the interview transcript for free by clicking here Attachment Parenting Interview With Naomi . You can also download the audio interview here Audio Interview With Naomi.  If you would like information on Naomi’s book you can visit here:  Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves,  You can also visit Naomi’s website at  www.naomialdort.com.

When setting limits is appropriate and when its not….

Like going to relatives, people ask me a lot about that and I say, “Well, tell them before you get to grandma.” At home, I let my kids jump on couches - I don’t see any harm in that. But then grandma doesn’t want them to jump on the couch and she has a fancy couch and living room and doesn’t want them jumping on the furniture. I tell them before we go there, “At grandmas, she doesn’t want you to jump on the couch. I’ll help you remember or grandma will help you remember.”

When you help them remember, it’s not by scolding, it’s by picking them up and saying, “Remember we’re at grandma’s house, but when we get home you can jump on the couch as much as you want.” Or bring the rebounder with you and say, “You know, I brought the rebounder; I know how much you love to jump and grandma won’t let you jump on the couch, so here’s something you can jump on.” Or ask grandma if there’s some furniture that you can bring or that she can have, or old furniture that he can jump on. There’s lots of ways that you can respond in a kind way and there’s never a need to be the police, setting limits. I never even used these words, but I support the child in the face of limits. Not setting limits doesn’t mean being permissive, it doesn’t mean the kid can do whatever they want, it does not mean he should climb on the counter and there’s nothing you can do about it. It doesn’t mean that at all, in fact, one of the things that I teach parents. 

Many parents come to me for counseling, when they’ve already developed a pattern with the child that’s rooted in permissiveness. They think the child should get whatever they want, so they just don’t know to say no, or they try to say it with words, “Oh please get off the counter”, “Mommy said don’t do this” and the child laughs and keeps doing what they’re doing and they get used to it but the word doesn’t mean anything. So young children really understand things mostly by physical body experience, so if you don’t want a child to go on the counter, you don’t need to set limits by punishment or scolding or saying anything to him. When you let him know how life works, he wants to cooperate. You take him physically off the counter. You make the counter not accessible, if there’s something next to it that he can climb on, or if the structure is climbable. Cover that area, cut that wood off or whatever makes it climbable. Take the child off the place like you would when they run into the street; everybody knows how to act when the child runs into the street or into the water. Nobody hesitates to react very clearly and very physically. I react physically when a child puts something in their mouth that is too small and dangerous and could get stuck in the throat, same thing; every parent knows what to do.

It doesn’t have to be done with anger, you just rush there and grab the thing out of their hand. The child may cry; they wanted that stone - wonderful. “I know you wanted that, but I love you and that’s dangerous.” No big story. Be physical with letting the child know how your little universe at home and in social situation works. They want your guidance; you take them off the counter, but you don’t have to be angry. They climbed on it innocently; you just take them off the counter and say, “Let’s go climb somewhere else; you love climbing.” Find a solution, find a place to climb so he knows you’re on his side and know the counter in the kitchen is not the place to climb. He may do it a couple more times, but each time a physical, clear response that’s loving, kind and clear-removing the child, not talking to them , lecturing them, “please”, and all that, but physically moving them-creates the learning of how this universe works.