This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!“

I Want It Now!”—Children’s Wants and Needs

It’s a big part of parenting

A big part of our experience as parents has to do with developing ways to address the deeply felt wants and needs of our children. We deal with wants and needs from our babies’ earliest moments through their entry into young adulthood. We have to figure out what our children’s real needs are, and what to do when they want things they don’t need, or can’t have. And we have to deal with our own feelings of sadness, frustration, or anger about how much they need and want. We are dedicated to making life as good as possible for them, but sooner or later we find it hard to be generous when our own needs for rest, reassurance, and resource aren’t well met.

Whole books are written about the developmental needs of young children, so this little article won’t try to point out the difference between needs and wants at a particular age or stage. Suffice it to say here that children need lots of undivided, warm attention from their parents and others around them. They need to be treated with respect. They need play, lots of room to experiment, and lots of positive response to who they are and what interesting experiments they do. They need information about what’s going on around them, from the very beginning: their minds work beautifully, and from birth they fully understand the emotional import of every interaction with us. They also understand far more language than we realize. Even when we meet their needs well, there are moments every single day when our children long for attention or for things we can’t give them the moment they feel the need. When Mommy and Daddy can handle these moments of intense longing gently and with understanding, it makes a huge difference in a child’s life. Read more »

Living a Life of Abundance

My son, Connor, woke me up at 4 O’clock one morning last week when he climbed in my bed to tell me about a bad dream he just had. We talked about his dream for a while and then he slowly drifted off to sleep in my arms as I reflected on how much I love my boys and how much I love being a father. For me, that awareness of love’s presence is the essence of abundance.

When I was a teenager I had this fantasy of leaving society and going to live alone on some mountain in Tibet to meditate and find God. I avoided responsibility because the adults around me often seemed tired, stressed out and unhappy and I didn’t want to grow up to be like them. I was afraid I would get caught up in the daily routine of life and loose the experience of joy. As I get older, I’m finding that Spirit is not off on some mountain in Tibet but is right here at home at 4 o’clock in the morning with my son asleep beside me. I’m finding joy by embracing the daily routine and the responsibilities of being a husband and father, and I’m finding God in the faces of my wife and children, in my coworkers and friends, and in the playful conversation with the checkout lady at the Safeway down the street. I’m feeling like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz saying that happiness is not somewhere over the rainbow, but is right here in my own back yard and I’m realizing that living a fulfilled life of abundance requires only that I let go of my fears and allow a shift in my perception. Read more »

“Turn This World Around for the Children” - Raffi

Lyrics
We heard it from Mandela, turn this world around
for the children - turn this world around
He’s done it once before, and now we hear his call
for the children - turn this world around

Turn turn turn, turn this world around - for the children
Turn this world around

The dreams of our young ones born into this world
Need respect and love to come alive
Honoring the children is what we’re here to do
Now is the hour and we’ve got the power to

If every nations’ leaders put their children first
Care and provide for every child
Each and every household could sing a song of joy
All round this planet, a new light within it could bridge
And the children sing: help our light to shine
May we all be fed, may we all be loved
May the elders here open up their hearts
To this song of ours, may they do their part
May our dreams unfold, may we find our place
In a healthy world, embracing every race
May we all be free, may we live in peace
Hear the children sing, hear us sing
Turn turn turn, turn this world around
for the children - turn this world around …

Tonight, driving home, I was listening to this song.  I’d heard it a few years back, and loved it.  But it didn’t hit me the same was as it does today.  Earlier today I had empathy, and felt a pain in my heart for the children.  My child, the neighbor’s children, my son’s school mates.

My guess is that we all want to turn our world around for our children.   But who has time?  We’re so busy.  Busy lives, work, school, cooking cleaning, never a break.  We can’t even turn our schedules around, never mind the world….
And when I say that, part of me believes it, but the other part doesn’t because I know we can all make a difference.  Sometimes I’m so scared to make a difference in the world.  But why should I let my fear and selfishness stop me from changing children’s lives.  Or making a difference for someone.

I’m so blessed with a good life.  I have a lot to give and I’m going to start focusing on giving it.

If anyone has thoughts about this, I would like to hear them!

P.S.  Go out and get yourself a copy of “Turn this world around.” By Raffi it’s from the album Resisto Dancing.

This is part 7 of a 10 part parenting series, you can read the previous post Top 10 things you can do for yourself to be a better parent. #6 Have Passion! by clicking here.

#7 Heal The Past.

I have to say, this is the biggest and most difficult thing preventing me from being as close as I can with my son. Sometimes I feel shrouded and taken over by the past. And in those moments, I’m not in the present, and I’m definitely not the best parent I can be.
Read more »

Last year, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Peter Haiman.  Aside from being and authentic and good hearted individual, he is also a wealth of parenting knowledge.  You can visit his website at PeterHaiman.com for more info.

I will be posting the audio interview here soon.

Read more »

This is part 6 of a 10 part parenting series, you can read the previous post : Top 10 things you can do for yourself to be a better parent #5 Spend Time Alone, by clicking here.

Everyone deserves to have a passion for something!  Whether its a hobby or career, there needs to be some degree of passion in your life.  Many, many people go through life with zero passion, and it shows.  But you don’t have to be one of those people.  The art of finding ones passion isn’t always easy, and its a numbers game.  So try a few different things and you’ll know when you hit on something you love.  When you do find something you love keep doing it!!!

Having a passion will automatically transfer to your home and family life.  It will seep into every cranny and nook, making things more magical and beautiful than ever before!

I know as a mom its often difficult to find the time to do the things you love.  But this one is a MUST if you want to live a fulfilled life.  And parents beware: don’t feel guilty if your family isn’t your sole passion.  They don’t have to be, moms and dads can have many, many passions.

What’s yours?

If you need help finding your passion, I would recommend reading The Passion Test or visiting Inspiration Point, finding your passion and doing any of the programs available.

Good luck!

Ashley

This is part 5 of a 10 part parenting series, you can read the previous post : Top 10 things you can do for yourself to be a better parent. #4 Talk to a friend

At least once a week you need to have time to spend a few uninterrupted  hours by yourself.  To read, take a bath, whatever.  As a parent, you need AND deserve this time.  So ask your partner, family member or hire a babysitter.  To locate a babysitter in your area online try one of these: Kijiji, Craigslilst, Care babysitting finder.  Or just Google “babysitting and nanny service.”

After spending a few hours by yourself you’ll feel refreshed and restored; better able to be a GREAT parent.  Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself.

I was at the park today with my son where I met a full time single dad at home with his 4 year old daughter.
Last week I met a babysitter that takes her 5 year old neighbor to the park because her mom can’t take care of her.

It’s stories like these that allow me to appreciate how good and wonderful my life is, and how lucky I am.  My son gets round the clock care, lots of full attention and love every day. He gets hours of play time and joy.

I always reflect on this and wonder what my life would be like, and who I would be now if that were the case for me.  My son will grow up in a totally different world from what I grew up in.  And I thank god and the universe every day for the blessing of the wonderful, powerful and amazing parenting tools that are available to me.
The road to providing a different life, and being different than my parents is not an easy one.  Every moment, every day, I’m faced with choices.  Do I scream at my son when I lose patience?  or do I deal with my own stuff and allow him to live a happy and free life like he deserves?  Though the latter is more difficult and its much easier to spew my emotions onto him than deal with them.  I take every day “one choice at a time”.  Acknowledging the good and taking responsibility for the mistakes by making things right.

Ashley

This is part 4 of a 10 part parenting series, you can read the previous post : Top 10 things you can do for yourself to be a better parent. #4 Talk to a friend, here.

Parent Series: Top 10 things you can do for yourself to be a better parent. #4 Talk to a friend….

Its critical to have someone to talk to about your feelings and parental stresses.

Research shows that parents that release emotion regularly have significantly less stress than parents that don’t.  A way that you can do this is by trading “listening time” with a trusted friend.  Otherwise known as “co-councelling,”

This is a free and effective way to offload intense feelings that arise from being a parent.  You can find out more about this on the re-evaluation councelling website.

Re-evaluation Counseling (co-councelling) is a process whereby people of all ages and of all backgrounds can learn how to exchange effective help with each other in order to free themselves from the effects of past distress experiences.

Re-evaluation Counseling theory provides a model of what a human being can be like in the area of his/her interaction with other human beings and his/her environment. The theory assumes that everyone is born with tremendous intellectual potential, natural zest, and lovingness, but that these qualities have become blocked and obscured in adults as the result of accumulated distress experiences (fear, hurt, loss, pain, anger, embarrassment, etc.) which begin early in our lives.

When adequate emotional discharge can take place, the person is freed from the rigid pattern of behavior and feeling left by the hurt. The basic loving, cooperative, intelligent, and zestful nature is then free to operate. Such a person will tend to be more effective in looking out for his or her own interests and the interests of others, and will be more capable of acting successfully against injustice.

The biggest difference in my own parenting comes from having my feelings listened to.  If I had to choose 1 out of the 10 things to be a better parent, this one would be it.

Its important when you trade time with another friend or parent that you just listen to each other, you don’t interject.  There needs to be room for feelings and crying, to discharge the intensity of the heavy demands of parenting.  So find a friend or fellow parent that’s comfortable with crying.  If you have any questions about this process email me or check out the websites above.

Talk to you soon!

Ashley

This is part 3 of a 10 part parenting series, you can read the previous post : Top 10 things you can do for yourself to be a better parent. #2 Get some help, by clicking here.

# 3 in being a better parent: Get some help!

Many parents over look this, myself included.  For years, I had NO life.  Then I realized that I and everyone else was much happier when I had friends and went out and did things.  So, do yourself and your family a favor and go out and get some girlfriends.

Meetup.com is a great place to meet people or parents in your area with similar interests.  Here are some suggestions for things you can do to meet cool parents and friends:

Pottery
Yoga
Salsa and ballroom dancing
Adult Jazz, Ballet or Hip Hop
Women’s groups
Book clubs
Nature clubs
Fitness classes
Knitting and crocheting classes

You could even get a part time job working a few hours a week doing something you enjoy and just for you.  Again, parenting is a tough job that requires rejuvenation.  And if you practice attachment parenting and positive parenting its even more demanding at times.  Your kids and spouse will thank you!!