This article is by Patty Wipfler of Hand in Hand http://www.HandinHandParenting.org, this site is a must visit!

Children, Chores, and Drudgery

By the time children are about seven years old, most parents have begun to think, “It’s about time she did a little work around here!” and the battles begin. “When are you going to feed the dog?” “That garbage needs to be taken out right now!” “Honey, how many times do I need to ask you to make your bed!”

It’s good to expect children to take part in the work of the household. Children are quite capable, and feel a lot of pride in a job well done. But, like us, they acquire feelings about the jobs they’re expected to do. And when those feelings are negative, children can drain a lot of their parents’ emotional capital on the way to completing their household jobs. Read more »

This is part 2 of A Rejected Child and the Volcano by Naomi Aldort. To read part 1 of A Rejected Child and the Volcano Click Here.

When a child asks you to mediate

There are times when talking to the other children is useful, as when a child asks for it directly. Even then, it is important not to fix anyone or mend the situation, so the child can choose reality and learn from it. A group of children were playing on the grass at a lunch break of one of my workshops. One boy came to his mother to say that he was not included in the game. The mother asked for my guidance and I said that there was nothing to do other then respond to his initiative as she would in any other setting. “So, are you going to play inside now?” she asked her son, trying to guess his plans. “No,” the boy said, “I want you to come with me and talk to the kids.”

They went over and the mother acknowledged the difficulty without judging anyone nor asking for anything. She then listened fully to each child’s point of view. It turned out that her son didn’t know the game and was breaking the rules. The children said he could watch and learn but he decided to join his parents on the porch.
This mother did not initiate talking to the other children, nor did she solve, preach, teach or give a sermon about kindness and inclusion. She followed her child’s request. The child took action on his own behalf by asking for his mother’s mediation and since she didn’t see a problem, neither did he. He made his choice freely and without doubting his worth or feeling victimized.
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A Rejected Child and the Volcano
By: Naomi Aldort Ph.D. (www.AuthenticParent.com)

When the volcanic mountain in our state, Mount St. Helens, started to rumble, one of my children asked, “Do people who live close by get mad when the volcano erupts?” “Do you get mad at the rain?” I asked. While he was pondering my question, his older brother said, “Being mad at the rain or a mountain erupting is as insane as being mad at another person.” I gasped with delight; indeed, by presenting itself totally unchangeable, the volcano teaches us to love reality. When it erupts, we don’t try to stop it, change its mind or judge it; we simply remove ourselves from the area and we get excited about the drama of nature from a safe distance. We live at peace with nature because we have realized that it doesn’t change for us. Yet, we expect humans to change for us. Such expectation often leaves us frustrated and powerless. Read more »

Saying No to your child, answered by parenting expert Naomi Aldort (www.AuthenticParent.com), discusses how, when and where to say no to your young child or toddler. This short audio clip answers: Read more »

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This is taken from “Ask Naomi” with parenting expert Naomi Aldort Ph.D. To see Part 1 of Why Toddlers Bite Click Here.

Preventing Biting
A toddler who feels connected, loved, autonomous and at peace is not likely to bite. She has no need for it. Therefore the first path of prevention is respecting your toddler’s autonomous inner guidance, avoiding undue expectations and restrictions and staying close and connected. This may include avoiding peer play, which is often much too difficult for young children. Notice how much happier your baby is with an older child or with you. Read more »

This 10 minute audio clip is taken from an informative interview I did with parenting expert Naomi Aldort, for more information on Naomi’s work visit www.AuthenticParent.com. Read more »

“Turn This World Around for the Children” - Raffi

Lyrics
We heard it from Mandela, turn this world around
for the children - turn this world around
He’s done it once before, and now we hear his call
for the children - turn this world around

Turn turn turn, turn this world around - for the children
Turn this world around

The dreams of our young ones born into this world
Need respect and love to come alive
Honoring the children is what we’re here to do
Now is the hour and we’ve got the power to

If every nations’ leaders put their children first
Care and provide for every child
Each and every household could sing a song of joy
All round this planet, a new light within it could bridge
And the children sing: help our light to shine
May we all be fed, may we all be loved
May the elders here open up their hearts
To this song of ours, may they do their part
May our dreams unfold, may we find our place
In a healthy world, embracing every race
May we all be free, may we live in peace
Hear the children sing, hear us sing
Turn turn turn, turn this world around
for the children - turn this world around …

Tonight, driving home, I was listening to this song.  I’d heard it a few years back, and loved it.  But it didn’t hit me the same was as it does today.  Earlier today I had empathy, and felt a pain in my heart for the children.  My child, the neighbor’s children, my son’s school mates.

My guess is that we all want to turn our world around for our children.   But who has time?  We’re so busy.  Busy lives, work, school, cooking cleaning, never a break.  We can’t even turn our schedules around, never mind the world….
And when I say that, part of me believes it, but the other part doesn’t because I know we can all make a difference.  Sometimes I’m so scared to make a difference in the world.  But why should I let my fear and selfishness stop me from changing children’s lives.  Or making a difference for someone.

I’m so blessed with a good life.  I have a lot to give and I’m going to start focusing on giving it.

If anyone has thoughts about this, I would like to hear them!

P.S.  Go out and get yourself a copy of “Turn this world around.” By Raffi it’s from the album Resisto Dancing.

Doing some Q and A on other sites, I thought I would share my questions and answers with you….
How do I get my child to behave?Great question!

As parents we want our children to be well behaved and co-operative. This only makes sense, as when our children misbehave its exhausting and reflects badly on us as parents.

In my experience the healthiest co-operation comes from willingness and desire on the part of your child.  This maybe sound farfetched but it IS possible.

I don’t know how old your child is but depending on their age, most children don’t co-operate because they lack information.  For example, a one year old that pours milk on the floor shouldn’t be expected to know that it makes a mess and is undesirable for mom.  Or a three year old that wants to sing, but doesn’t know that it’s not ok to sing in restaurants.  Most children don’t misbehave on purpose.   They have a strong desire to please their parents.  So before jumping to conclusions explain how you feel to them about what they’re doing, most likely they will stop doing it.

But back to your question:  How do I get my child to behave?

Well (you’re not going to like this) but you don’t get them to behave.  And if you force your child to behave she will start thinking that forcing someone to do something is acceptable. And won’t develop the self esteem she needs to make good decisions and say “no” when she is older.

Research shows time and time again that forcing young children to do things rarely works. And leads to bigger consequences later in life.

The best thing you can do is treat her with total respect and kindness and she will most likely start to cooperate with you more.  For example, my son is 4 and he cooperates with me most of the time.  Not all of the time, but most.  If I forced him to cooperate I would have to use punishment or be forceful, and I don’t want to do that because that would injure his self esteem.  So, how I get him to cooperate is by being respectful and kind to him, and it works.  I’ve seen it work in hundreds of other children and families as well (I work with families, so I see lots of these situations).
Another thing is expectation.  We have all sorts of expectations about our children.  And it’s important to look at that as well.  Expecting a young child to sit still in a restaurant or sit through a concert is unreasonable.  So, take a look at what you expect from her…..I could talk about this all day but the bottom line is empower your children with encouragement but never force her to do something. Children learn best by example and not force.

Wouldn’t you rather have her voluntarily clean up, than do it by force?

My son often cleans up, I have treated him with respect since birth, and he is the
most cooperative toddler I know. And this is because I have lead by example and not force.

If your child is a toddler, sometimes she will do what you want and behave and sometimes she won’t, but that is healthy self-esteem. Children that
do everything you want all the time often have low self esteem and approval issues.

When she gets a bit older she will be much more cooperative if you demonstrate respect first hand.

All good wishes,
If you have any further questions don’t hesitate to contact me!

Last year, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Peter Haiman.  Aside from being and authentic and good hearted individual, he is also a wealth of parenting knowledge.  You can visit his website at PeterHaiman.com for more info.

I will be posting the audio interview here soon.

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